Sunday, 15 January 2012

Try It Once!!!!!

Every time I mingle with my friends, we land up talking of their girlfriends, break ups and some even pitifully look down with dropping head as a stupid person who is considered as a junk by the girls.  I always try convincing them not to bemoan with what has happened by promptly concurring that God must have given him the chance to find the better one. Gossip is a sort of customary practice when host of friends assemble together. To those comrades of my category, we gaze each other with a grin smile on our faces. Some rue over their talents in impressing girls which always proved futile and the sole reason for them to be single. If only they possessed the talents like other guys they wouldn’t have nagged and complained about themselves not even taking into consideration that the majority of the girls are damn particular about physical appearance too….

When they hash out all these things, I pretend to act modest by listening to them appreciating their experiences of being in a relationship. Not all their stories say the sweetness of the tie with their loved ones and some even reveal the bitterness they borne and the disturbance and distraction to the peace of mind. God gives us whatever we need, but not the things that we want and it is a kind of a trend for the human mind to long for what we don’t possess. The deteriorating mind which surpasses the actual norms of our ordinary life demands many things which are actually not a necessity. The ones who haven’t been into relationship try hard to get it experienced, and the others who have already been into it look for the new one and continues the trend. The interesting point that I observed in this dramatic scenario is that, the ones who are left alone are those who have never been into the so called love and relationship. Perhaps, the  emotional intelligence  they own are too less pervasive which gets dissipated in the midway before reaching the targeted person or should they bewail of themselves for the lack of emotional intelligence and ability remains the big question mark in their dilapidated mind, keeping them in a most awkward predicament.

Words are to be spoken, and if kept inside will help in no way. Indeed it can be the most flattering accolade if I am to say that I deserve someone. The assertive part of my feelings is not who is going to adore me, but it is rather who is there to listen and think judiciously to my words if I start sharing with them my admiration and amicable unthreatening intuitive feelings. The sole reason for all of us to be here is to live and love. Prioritizing and stamping this in my mind, I therefore intended to exploit my emotions and publicize my feelings with sentimentality mind to turn it into an object of sentiment. However, I cannot fully guarantee the outcome to be always positive. The aftermath of my endeavor can possibly be nothing more than a pure rejection which I should take it without any resentment or cynicism. With all this, I suppose and reckon to myself that the downpour of my life can be uplifted gracefully. Now the only thing left for me is to be bold enough to take the things with great ebullience, act accordingly and TRY IT ONCE!!.

Monday, 9 January 2012

Enticing Vacation

Holidays are alluring only for first couple of days. Then it becomes the most tiresome and monotonous  routine which flavors you nothing. Even the normal schedule like preparing food to fill up our own tummy becomes a hardest task though necessary and unavoidable. Too much of slumbering makes us go fatigue and dull. Should I consider this vacation in particular as the worst in my life, or else something superior than this is awaiting me? I am pretty much sure that these kinds of baffling thoughts within me will help me in no way but just let me succumb. Vacations in the past was gratifying and fun as well. Reunion with my old buddies, going for trip, a bit of light boozing session and many blissful moments. Perhaps all those moments of joy that I had experienced in the past are too potent and influential for me to feel the present one vague. No one can make my days lively with full of zest and vigor without imparting my own earnest and conscientious activity which must be intended to do or accomplish something. The indolence ensuing the dislike of works can also be one genuine reason behind for ditching me into state of inactiveness which I should try to resolve personally.

Friends of indistinguishable characters will never pull our legs but at times helps in falling off. They just escalates and stretches the boredom unwittingly which is unobjectionable. I share an amicable and brotherly feelings with them and leaves me with no words to draw any accusation that are responsible for some lapses in our stay together. The facts concealed behind for failure to maintain higher level of spirits during vacation can either be due to our laziness and tentative plans or an extraneous matters. In earlier days, I used to spend the holidays in my native place with my closest and dear ones. Of course, it used to be an arduous one as we have to do hard labours in the farm right from the morning. Late winter season used to be the peak time for the farmers to cultivate their cash crops and it was the only time that we get to help our parents. Keeping in mind the pain they take in the scorching daylight and an unbearable degree of harsh summer season, I always tried to make a fruitful winter time by lending my  helping hands to  my parents. The days used to start before the dawn breaks till the time in the evening at which the sun begun to fall below the horizon. In the evening, it was a daily normal routine for the youngsters in the village to assemble together to fuddle up all night with the best local brews. The dusky night rode down the sky and ushered the morn followed by usual country life. Physically, the body used to become sturdy and strong in form inured by the physical work. Indeed, holidays used to come to an end in wink with all these amusements.

Life is far more better at present, but I do not feel the charm of it as of those bygone days and fear whether it will be worth of treasuring.  Now, I do not have to do the manual works in the farm like that in the past but still goes tired and feels exhausted for doing no work. Body gets strained due to the excessive quiescent and rue to see it turn into amoeboid. This can be the due to the change in the normal routine and schedule. Nocturnal life fluffs everything and too much of slumbering during  day time just invigorates it. Surfing internet whole night without break did made the holidays middlingly interesting and proved resilient as I could make lots of new friends with my countrymen as well as with others too.
All without specification, we are supposed to get adapted in any state of affairs be it in the times of merriments, dreadful situations and even during the normal everyday life. “When in Rome, do as a roman do” goes the adage and this must be a vital fact of experience for everyone of us. Possibly, I am having this firsthand knowledge of states, situations, emotions or sensations solely because of my own self attributes not in conform with the surroundings around me. Well!!! People usually see the grass greener on other side of the lawn which is delusive in actuality, thus I now couldn’t fully presume this vacation as the worst of all and happy for the way I spent it. JJJ

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Reminiscence Of My EarlyDays

As a child and being the youngest of five boys from the family, I spent lots of my time with my parents and developed the closest, unbounded intimacy and dearest and valuable relationship with my beloved parents which is indeed worth of cherishing. Reminiscing the puerility days of my life, I see myself as one of the  special person in my vicinage, the one who actually knew what it is like to have all the attention  and the endearment from all the family members.  Perhaps some people might have looked at me as a bit naughty boy in the village for the trait of indulging in disreputable pranks along with my friends. I participated in almost all the activities that were indeed a kind of nuisance to the elderly people of my village.
Grouping with my friends, we often bullied and acted bossy with other children who were younger than us and never used to listen or resists the act of our elders. Being immature, all I thought was just for the momentary pleasure and acting like a clown or buffoon gave the charm and invigorated the feelings and the notion of superiority. The attitude of surrendering for ones’ own fault wasn’t stamped in my mind.
I hated people who stereotyped me and my group as spoilt and naughty. Of course, I cannot blame those who perceived us in that way because our actions and doings were all in one way or other, a kind of disturbance to them. Since our village is very small with only 25 households and a fistful of people, anything we did simply drew the attention of the elderly people. The worst of all was that not a single act of ours was in favour of the community’s welfare, rather it made people to arouse aversion towards us. A vivid memory of my cognitive days strikes in my mind and getting reprimanded upon reaching home was almost a daily sub programme.
Now, when I think of my present status and compare with the past, I feel guilty for creating and evoking chaos in a peaceable hamlet. I try my best at everything that I do and I want to make something of my life. I do not see myself socially incorrect in behaviour because everything that I did was all impeccant and purely unwitting. It was just the age and era which guided me into such unethical disciplines. I genuinely believe in self refinement and hope to accomplish my desire as time passes by.   After catching the glimpse of my brief childhood account, something might strike your mind…….so please feel free to share your opinion and suggestions because my inkling mind still keeps on saying that, still there is lots of room for the betterment.  Childhood moments are something that always baffled my thoughts and even today I don’t  exactly remember as why I enormously loved to do the things that we were not supposed to do.

First N The Final Walk

As usual, I opened my FB account. Curious to see whether there are any notifications, messages or request. Luckily there was one request –a friend request from a girl. Very excited to see who she was, I accepted her request instantly. Coincidently, she was online and I started to chat with her then and there. Exchange of greetings and brief introductions from both, astonishingly we were somehow chatting from the same vicinity and studying in the same college. I was flabbergasted to know that she was also in the same college because I didn’t remember seeing her in the college though she had seen me many a times. Perhaps, God must have impaired me till that time from seeing the angel or it could be with other reason i.e, seniors usually don’t recognize their juniors in the college and it is an established fact. Our chitchat prolonged almost for hours and in between, I could assemble braveness and asked her cell number and was successful in getting her number. I am guy who doesn’t possess an instinct to impress girls and since I am very direct and precise with my thoughts and action, only few numbers of girls know me very well and personally.
The very first time of our meeting in the chat, I requested for a friendly walk. She was so wise enough and didn’t turn down to my request. Mind it guys!!!the very next day, I was with a girl going for an evening walk for the first time and words cannot describe that blissful moment. I don’t know how she felt but to me it was an interesting moment of my college days though I had to gather lots of courage to get that experienced. We talked as if  like, we had met before and she too was so open and jolly that made the walk more lively and zesty. We hardly met in the college since we were in different departments but used to meet through call almost every day.
Days and months passed by without seeing her but we were always connected by cellular phone . In the beginning, there was simply nothing extraordinary about our conversations. But then again, I looked beyond that and recognized her warm and decent personality and that her angelic and jovial smile enthralled me ,captivating my heart.
I started adoring her and there was only one thing I can and must do. i.e., I got to let her know how I feel. I have to do since that could be the start of a wonderful tie or at least that’s what I thought even if she wasn’t that responsive. Gradually, friends of mine came to know about my feelings toward her and kept on boosting me with some positive suggestions and insisted me to approach her. Seconds after I  thought and analyzed the words of my friends, I felt like I have become lame. So doing what they said was totally beyond my vivid mental image.  Listening to their words, some people may easily get boosted and react, but I always tried to calm myself  because I never could imagine the consequences if  I were to follow and act according to their words. Those were the happiest times of my days at Shercol.
Life for me was celestial. She was almost the perfect girl I had dreamt about before. How should I describe myself ?People usually find me serious but timid who would never dare to give damn to girls because of my shyness……but I think there is no men here in the world who is a misogynists lol.  Her soft, soothing and distinctive voice would just relegate my boredom and carve my day with amusement. We frequently quibbled over the useless matters and in other times we talked about good things too. Life is veritably a Shangri-la  to undergo through different phases and these times with her went on for almost two semesters. But then, an unavoidable event occurred. My sparring partner started to act differently, became unresponsive and her pleasantly optimistic disposition diminished  slowly. “What the hell is up with her”? I babbled myself.
As time dashed ahead, she stopped receiving my phone calls and her outgoing call  towards me was totally barred. It is disheartening to see an enjoyable moments being ended abruptly but it is worth to be cherished as it was “The first and the final walk” for me……
Even today, when I think of  her, something uncomfortably keeps on striking  my mind which is perplexing  on and on. Feels like a precious thing had been snatched away from me… …………

Unpredictable journey

It was a moment of vigorous pleasure and enthusiastic enjoyment for me and my cousin to hear our BCSE examination result from our brother through phone.  Of course, both of us gave our best shot but still worried  as concoction of feelings aroused in our mind as what if the result unexpectedly turned out brutal. These kind of feelings always meandered in our mind and kept us in a heart throbbing state throughout the whole winter vacation. There was always a period of curious fear and worries until we could breathe the air with a feeling of great relaxation. It  was a travesty of fact to say that I enjoyed the warm sleep under the heaps of quilts with worries and tensions haunting my sleep. Really, how can one be in a deep slumber with yoke of worries tightly glued in the mind. Entire winter months used to be harsh with the ice capped mountains engulfing our village sending chill air cracking our delicate skin and examination result fright was no more than a catalyst which aggravated our winter vacation. Sometimes we even tried to find solace by trying a few cups of local brew, which wasn’t actually an ultimate solution when I think it today. The news from our brother just helped us in relishing our joy for the efforts that we inputted during the entire stay in the school and a source of gladness just because, our efforts didn’t turn out futile. It was a moment for us to rejoice and brought lots of merriment not only to us but also to all the dearest ones.
From primary school itself, I heard of Doctors, Engineers, Teachers, Army-officer etc… in the class from my teachers. They wanted each and every one of us to be in either of these professions and I promptly chose Doctor without any disinclination. I decided to join in science stream to accomplish my protracted dream. Ever since my preprimary days, I was always fancied by the beautiful white Apron worn by the Hospital Staffs which made them dazzlingly white and bright among others. However, my dream of  becoming Doctor shattered and dilapidated in a blink of my eyes when I opted mathematics as my major subject. Some friends even applauded me for keeping my words and joining science stream not knowing of  I taking mathematics as the major. It was only after reaching 11th standard that I underwent boarding life and started to aspire engineers, architecture and concisely all the professions eligible for a mathematics student. Three years of stay in UDHSS seemed like a stargaze with lively acquaintances around me and more significantly, it was there in UDHSS that I headed for something called good relationship.
The permanent and intolerable uncertainty just keeps us engaged  with various activities and daily chores. I am definite that there won’t  be a single person who is too satisfied with what he/she possesses and achieved till date. Indeed it is hard to not to think about our future as we never know what is in our way next. Sometimes, the best memories and the good things are the ones that we have to lose with great reluctance. Our mind is a sort of abstract thing that always draw a very tentative resolutions and conclusions. When I had to end my relationship, it seemed like an illusion and only then realized that life and reality is so surely a state of illusion. Upon recollecting those fond memories, can’t imagine how na├»ve was I to call that as a love when it didn’t last even for two years. Infact, it was nothing more than a mere infatuation. During the second year of my intermediate schooling in UDHSS, everything was all in my track and studying wasn’t a problem with no mental disturbances. Luckily I had a very hardworking group of friends who were committed studiers, always ready to sacrifice and spare their precious time for others sake too. Truly, I am still overwhelmed with the gratitude for their help and support. Time dashed so fast that I didn’t know how three years of stay in that paradise like school subsequently came to an end which gave me lots of  bliss and delight. The 12th grade result aired me into an euphoric state despite the fact that I couldn’t get the chance to accomplish my goal that I longed to attain.  The outcome of my hard work  gave me enough delectation as I got the chance to do my UG in one of the premier institutions  of our country, Sherubtse-“The Peak of Learning”. Earnestly, it was an honor to become a part of Sherubtse family, which is in truth the dreams of almost all the youths of our country.
Sherubtse college has its own charm and illustrious reputations in academic excellence and other co-curricular activities. I can even compare this premier educational institution to a conifers with its never ending green since it endlessly imparted us with new ideas, knowledge and more importantly making our mind inquisitive. First year of my college days successfully completed without any hurdles and of course with some fear and anxious feelings as seniors were always there, patiently watching the acts and attitude of their juniors. A slightest error and deviation from the precision of their self formed norms and standards, they used to knock the door late at night, brief the luckless chap. Treating juniors like this was a contemptuous act and intolerable at times though helpless. Thank God!!for sparing me from such an awful experience. Second year also has its own charm. By then, students normally get adapted to the atmosphere of the college and it is the period whereby 2nd year students gets to observe the spectacular dramas happening between their seniors and juniors. It is was during this time of great relaxation that I lost the track of studying, but gained experience in boozing, which eventually concluded in a dire consequences and regrettably had to miss the charm and enamor of  being a senior most
Second year in the same semester balled up everything that I was supposed to be experiencing. Sometimes, things turns out contrary to what we wish and not all the matters happens for good reason. Repetition wasn’t the room for improvement rather, got worsened. Somehow, final days out there started to alter as my distorted mind which proved strong and impossible for me to repress and control started to adore a girl. Needless to describe the decency, simplicity and tenderness, just her smile was adequate to make my day worthful and great. Now, everything is just an unexpected but vivid incident of a past experience as my dreams never turned into reality. Losing the opportunity to pursue my UG in Sherubtse isn’t a regretful moment but I just regret being a loser in other fields. Atleast, I’m contented with myself for being able to gather heaps of courage and audaciously letting the person to know about  it, though the things reciprocated from the other end. Sad endings begin every new adventure and a new life awaits me!!!!!!