Unreciprocated

Friendship is the first as well as the last step of love. Generally, a person will never befriend with anyone if he hates the other person. It is friends who can understand us wholly than any one else. Being close in the school days and becoming more than friends can be just an insight infatuation and a teenage admiration. The urge towards liking someone on the later part of our life is what we called a matured love.

The little confidence placed  in it often drives away everything and shatters the ever unending drama of love, relationship and life. It is at that point of ones life where people start seeking intelligent suggestions from the people close to them. The cherishing days in the school provide us with the blurred idea and barely give us time to analyse our doings.

The story of how my friend started liking our own class mate is not at all an uncommon scene around us. I knew he can be the best of all to her. Being the closest  friend of mine, he shared everything to me and even seeks my suggestions all the time.  As a friend to both, happiness is bound to usher on me, if I see them together. As always, my jovial and closest friend started to admire our own classmate.

Though, it happened after many years of going away from school, the news didn't flummox me even a bit also. He was unable to take up the decisions that he actually wanted to go along with. The feeling of hesistance hindered the further progress. At the moment, I responsively suggested him to move ahead because I thought the girl would suit best for the gentleman like him.

On many instances, our incessant chit-chat was all about him and the girl whom he is in love with. A very unsure friend was really in love and dimmed by it. I became the resource person for him and often exchanged thougths and ideas mattering to relationship. I did chat with her. It was a casual talk between the two old friends nearly after 6 years of departure from school.


At one point, I even enquired about her life, relationship and her choice. Going through her reply, I thought she was still the old charming friend whom I know to some extent. She was determined not to date until she graduated and seemed strict with her decison. Even today, I will never tell anything that will sound like a discrepant affirmation to what I wrote before this. I couldn't step myself backward from asking her onward progress with our friend. The good thing in it was, I didn't sense any hint of disapporval from her side too and that probably might have made the man feel optimistic with his acts and the reason why he gave a go ahead to his mission.


The matter would have ended before anything narrative featured in between the two if she was straight and right to the point from the beginning. The true feeling without ambiguity is what we die to hear from people. If it is the truth spoken from the heart, people at other end are always wise and gentle enough to understand and comprehend it. Confirming to actuality leaves no scar even if the truth is bitter. The main cause of the emotional angush can be infinite, but the worst of all that leaves a scar on heart is when someone who you trusted the most makes you feel lonley  with intense emotional anguish.


This is the way of life. I am sure, the both must be going through series of tormenting feelings for posing themselves in to such a position and giving a strain to their strong friendship. What made me feel dizzy was when I came to know that she is dating with someone. Well, the decision is strictly with her and no one can call into question or throw any opinion as she has the sole right for what she opts to do for. For now, I feel  glad to hear it, but lament for the other guy whose dream shattered on the mercy of his guiltless and innoncent heart.


I just couldn't stop myself  from writing this to show the height of  moral degeneration to my fellow mates who can be the victim of ones own emotional trauma. Rules aren't meant to followed regimentally, but on our will. It is absolutely normal to be decisive in our life and work for the personal welfare. It wasn't at all a surprise to let my ear hear it, but it did flew through my spine giving a vibe which I'm unsuccessful of describing at this point.

 That was not at all a flaw or a mistake because it was her own decision which I respect from my heart and she too shouldn't feel bad for her smart decision which is marked by the impact of wise decision. Therefore it wasn't anything like surprisal to see her happy with someone, but definitely the true picture of world around me which is simply unpredictable which  I will regard it as untrustworthy.

Real Me For My Real Buddies

Am I a changed person now, still remains as a big questionable averment.  I talk a lot, sometimes I speak our rapidly and incessantly over an ineffective topic. I make people around to laugh out loud with my juice-less humor.  For decades, I kept myself mum for I couldn't assemble my fortitude and determination to speak my heart out. I had never danced or sang in-front of anyone before I joined college.

This is something which makes me laugh alone in my room like a person afflicted with psychosis. I bemoan at heart to say that I never interacted with my female class mates until 10th standard. The inborn reflexes within me seemed to have been cocooned itself for so many reasons. It was like my complex state was so vague that I couldn't even trace out what was right for my betterment. 

For now, I could feel the difference and will humbly say that I rejoice over it. I ain't trying to show that I am matured enough to deal with the world around me for maturity doesn't mean I've to show off my hairy face. I recently realized that it was no good for me to be a timid guy solely for the reason that people around take it in other way round.

At most, they can just judge us by the way we mingle and interact with the acquaintances around. God didn't bestow me with the serenity to interact with all kinds of people around me. So, nothing will amaze or anguish me, not even the negative remarks or the flattering words. For now, I proudly pronounce myself as the best and the closest friend to many of my former classmates who couldn't dare to talk when we were together in school. 

Now, they are ready to spank me for being too serious. I condemn for my shitty act as it was me and my outward aspect that compelled them to take it otherwise. It can either be their stupid and haphazard first impression on me. Books aren't to be judged by its cover so are the men. The part in them, which impelled them to consider me as a serious guy is jubilating apparently. For now, they speak out their heart to me and throw their tantrums whenever I deserve it.

Feels good to see them overjoyed for knowing me in real and effacing the old stories of our schooling days. Impermanence is inevitable, it is totally inappropriate to pronounce myself as a changed person for mirror would definitely hint the seat of the faulty of the assertion stated above. I will just say that people around is seeing the inherent ability of a timid and shy primitive guy.